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| Poetry by Joshua Diliberto | |
MY AWAKENING WORK WAS KILLING MY SPIRIT BUT IT FURTHER ENRICHED MY IDEA OF FREEDOM THE MORE I WORKED THE STRONGER MY IMPULSE TO BE FREE WORKING, I BEGAN TO FADE FROM MY TRUE SELF AND THAT WAS WHAT I WAS PAID TO DO I WONDERED WHY I FELT SO ALONE THEN I REALIZED THAT MANY PEOPLE DO MANY PEOPLE ARE TRAPPED IN THEIR SET OF IDEAS FROM THE DAY THEY WERE BORN I CHOSE NOT TO BE THIS WAY SOMETHING GREAT HAPPENED I UNDERSTOOD FREEDOM BEYOND THIS AMERICA I BECAME AWARE OF MY HATES AND BIAS I BECAME AWARE OF PEOPLE THAT WANTED TO FORCE THEIR BIAS ON ME I WISH MORE THAT ANYTHING NEVER TO BE LIKE THEM WORK HAS BEEN BUT AN EXPERIENCE FOR ME IT HAS BEEN PRESSURED UPON ME IT IS MY DIFFICULTY, MY SELF CONFLICT LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR MATTERS OF INDIFFERENCE LIFE AWAITS MY NEXT MOVE I DO NOT AWAIT ITS WHAT IS LEFT FOR MY FUTURE? WORK LIKE THIS IS NOT WORTHY OF ME ANYMORE WILL THERE BE ANOTHER AWAKENING FOR ME? AM I HERE TO SURVIVE, OR REACH A HIGHER LEVEL? PEOPLE LIKE TO THINK THEY CONTROL ME BUT THEIR CONFLICT WILL COME WHEN THEY SEE WHO I AM. |
AN OCEAN OF CHAOS BETTER THAT I THROW MYSELF INTO AN OCEAN OF CHAOS THAN TO LIVE IN THE DELUSION THAT I CAN SOMEHOW WORK MY WAY THROUGH, AND ARRIVE IN SOME KIND OF IMAGINARY WORLD OF HAPPINESS. TO ACTUALLY THINK THAT I CAN CONTROL THE MAJORITY OF OUTCOMES IN MY LIFE IS LUDICROUS. THE ONE THING I CONTROL ALL THE TIME IS WHETHER OR NOT I TRY TO CONTROL ANYTHING AT ALL. |
CANCER I KNEW THAT IF I DRIFTED FAR ENOUGH INTO THE DEPTHS OF TRAGEDY THAT THERE WOULD, EVENTUALLY GROW, THIS EMPTY CANCER INSIDE OF ME AND IF I NURCHURED IT PROPERLY, IT WOULD CONSUME ME AND LEAD ME TO WHAT I CONCEIVE IS DEATH AND DEATH GREETS ME INEVITABLY NEVER IS MY CREATIVITY AT MORE AWESOME LEVELS AS WHEN I ACHE WITH THE INFINITY AROUND ME FROM THE SADNESS COMES PASSION AND DEDICATION AND DEVOTION I AM WRAPPED IN THE CANCER AND THE CHAOS NOW IT IS A PART OF ME AND I AM A PART OF IT I HAVE NO DESIRE TO STOP THE CANCER THAT BEGAN 2/28/77 |
LIFE AND LOVE LIFE IS LOVE LIFE IS OUR TEST LOVE THE TEST ALL OF MY LIFE I HAVE FELT POINTLESS CHAOS SEEMED TO COME TOO EASY IT STILL DOES BUT YOU GAVE ME REASON YOU GAVE ME SPACE AND A VULNERABLE POSITION IN THE SEQUENCE THAT I EXIST YOUR STEADY HAND HAS CALMED ME IN ALL MY FRUSTRATIONS |
WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU LISTEN IT WAS STILL NIGHT WHEN THE MUSIC CAME YOU OPENED YOUR EYES AND SAT UP YOU DITCHED YOUR RESIDING FEAR AND DISSOLVED AMONG STRANGE WONDERS PERHAPS NEVER WAS FINITE ALL THE WAY DOWN IN THE SPACE WHERE YOU REMEMBER COUNTLESS IMAGES SCATTERED ACROSS SPACE AND TIME COLDNESS RIPPED THROUGH YOU THINGS BECAME SKETCHY AND SCRAMBLED A STICKY FILM FORMED ACROSS YOUR LIPS WITH YOUR FINGER, YOU COLLECTED IT BEHIND YOU THROUGH YOUR SUGGESTION IMAGES CONTEMPLATED DECEIT IF ONLY YOU COULD SLUMP FOREVER AND HIDE FROM THE MINDLESS MATTER THAT PENETRATED YOUR PERCEPTION THE CURVE OF YOUR SPINE QUICKENED THROUGH AN OPENING A NAKED WOMAN LOOKED IN ON YOU AND FONDLED HERSELF THIS SUBTLE ENGROSSING HASTE HAD A SMELL AND YOU REALIZED FIRE COULD VAPORIZE FLESH CERTAINLY POTENT ODORS WOULD RISE BUT THE MIND WOULD ENDURE THE FAMILIAR WAS SO... PREDICTABLE THROUGH DARKNESS A GLOW LINGERED AT ROD'S END DEEP IN THOUGHT YOU WERE CONVINCED "TWO PLUS ONE WAS THREE" BUT YOU STILL HAD THE UNKNOWN TO FEAR YOUR EYES DROOLED PLASMA SUCH HAVOC TRANSCENDED GROGGY NORMALITIES AND SEEMED TO ENTHRALL IDLE PEOPLE LOOKING BACK THERE WAS NO GRIMACE DESPITE THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE IT WAS ALREADY GETTING LIGHT OUT A DAY WHICH YOU NEVER FORESAW SMALL TEARS FELL FROM BURNT AND VOID VISION THIS TIME YOU HEARD THE MUSIC IN IMAGES AND YOU KNEW THIS MUST BE WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU LISTEN LATER THE NAKED WOMAN PUT YOU TO SLEEP AND FATHER PULLED OUT THIS WAS THE LAST FEELING YOU WOULD EVER KNOW |
BESTREWN YOU AND ME WERE TOGETHER BUT NOW THAT'S GONE YOU'VE BESTREWN WHAT WAS LEFT IT'S ALL OVER AND IN RUIN NOW THERE IS NOTHINGNESS WILL IT EVER COME AGAIN THE GREAT NEVER ENDING LOVE WITHOUT DOUBT |
BLOOM I COULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT MANY THINGS AND MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BUT I'M JUST A LEAF CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF AND NOW YOU'RE BLOOMING ZOOMING BEYOND ANYTHING I WILL EVER BE DID I LACK LOVE RECEIVED LIKE I ALWAYS BELIEVED |
BROOKE SOMETIMES I GET TOO CLOSE AND I KNOW HE KNOWS HE'LL BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE SELLING THEIR POSSESSION SELLING ME JUST LIKE MY FATHER SELLING ME JUST LIKE MY MOTHER THROWING ME AWAY GIVE ME PEACE AND OVER STIMULATION THAT'S WHAT HE'S GOOD FOR BEAT HIM AND SINK THE KNIFE INTO HIS CHEST THEN WE CAN START FUCKING I KNOW HE'S IN TEARS BUT I HAVE NOTHING LEFT FOR HIM I CAN'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS IT'S ALL BEEN TAKEN FROM ME IF I COULD I WOULD ASK HIM TO STAY I WILL NEVER BE WEAK AGAIN |
CHAIN LINKED FLOWER IT IS SAID THAT WHERE THE DAYS ARE UNMEASURED BY TIME THERE LIES A FLOWER STAINED WITH RUST, EMBEDDED IN THE SAND FROM WHENCE IT GREW, NO ONE KNOWS... THEY CALL YOU A CHAIN LINKED FLOWER ON A FORSAKEN DESERT ARMS IN A V YOU AND ME |
LEFT IN THE REAR VIEW I COULD HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE YESTERDAY. THE SUN WAS IN MY CAR AND I WAS THE CENTER OF IT ALL. A GIRL WALKED TORN IN THE INTERSECTION. SHE WORE ENTROPY ON HER COAT. HER SKIN WAS PALE SHORT, BUT HER PRESENCE WAS FULL. LOOKING TO CATCH HER ATTENTION, I TURNED UP THE MUSIC AND ROLLED DOWN THE WINDOW. SHE WALKED ON. HER EYES STAYED FIXED ON THE GROUND AND SHE CONTEMPLATED SOME WORTHY THOUGHT. THE SIGNAL TURNED GREEN AND I HELD HER IN MY SIGHT. I ALWAYS LIKED THE GIRLS WHO SLEPT ON THE DARK SIDE. I RESERVED A RESPECT FOR THEM, UNLIKE THE PRIM AND PROPER PRISSIES ON ROUTE TO CANDY LAND. I IMAGINED MYSELF PULLING OVER. I IMAGINED MYSELF SAYING, "HERE TAKE HOLD OF MY HAND." PERHAPS WE WOULD WALK TO A PLACE WHERE WE COULD BE REAL AGAIN. ALL I WANTED WAS TO LISTEN TO HER CONSTRUCT IMAGES AND FEELINGS AND PUT ON THE SHOW THAT WAS HER LIFE EXPERIENCE. NOTHING COULD BE GREATER. NOTHING WAS. I COULD HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE YESTERDAY, BUT I CHOSE LIFE INSTEAD. AND LIFE HAD BEEN NO GREAT THING. SHE TURNED, LOOKED AT ME AND READ THE MAN WHO PLAYED THE LOVELY MUSIC. HE, WHO LOVED TO LISTEN BUT WOULD NEVER SING. I ACHE FOR THE GIRL AND OUR LOST DESTINY. SHE GAVE ME A CHOICE... AND I WAS THE FOOL THAT DROVE AWAY - FURTHER FROM MYSELF. |
LUCID ENDEAVOR I WANT TO TEAR THE FLESH FROM OFF YOUR FACE IF ONLY I COULD POUND YOU WITH TUMULTUOUS RHYTHM AND ENTHRALL YOU FOR MAKING ME WAIT YOU SHOULD LIVE AND LOVE IN CHAOS BECAUSE I WASN'T ENOUGH I COULD NEVER BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU DROWN IN STILL WATER I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT I WILL ALWAYS ADORE YOU AS I SHOVE MY FIST DOWN YOUR THROAT AND TAKE BACK ALL THAT IS MINE I CURSE THE SEQUENCE IN WHICH YOU EXIST YOU WERE CAST IN A MOLD POURED WITH A SHAKY HAND YOU ARE A CANCER OF NOTHINGNESS AND I AM THE DEPTHS OF TRAGEDY GATHERING THERE COULD NEVER BE ANY OTHER WAY |
ON BLACK HOW I LOVE THOSE DELICIOUS AWAKENINGS OF THE HIGHER POWERS HOW I LOVE THOSE LONG NIGHTS LOST IN ANOTHER WORLD RESTING BY MUSHROOMS ON BLACK HOW I LOVE TO GET CLOSE TO THE GIRL ON THE HILL INSIDE ME, SHE DOES NOT SPEAK HER THOUGHTS DO NOT COMMAND ME I DO NOT FEAR THE GIRL HER ACTIONS DO NOT FREE ME HER LOVE DEMANDS NOTHING IN RETURN DRAIN YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE FIRE FLY OFF THE END OF THE PIER AND LET GO AT YOUR OWN PACE |
THE GIRL ON THE HILL WITHOUT THOUGHT OR QUESTION WHY I WALKED A PATH OF DISORDER LEFT IGNORED, SILENT I THOUGHT TO BE ONE WITH YOU BUT TRUTH WAS ABSENT BEYOND THE HORIZON CONFUSION LEAD ME THERE PEOPLE OF THE NIGHT RAPED ME OF INNOCENCE TO BE CLEANSED, I LAID ARMS OUTSTRETCHED, FEET APART THOUGHTS WERE DRAINED AND GIVEN TO THE KEEPER AND LIKE THE REAPER ON THE STILL WATER CONFUSION LEAD ME THERE BY THE HAND, UP A FORGOTTEN TRAIL DEATH LEAD THEM BY CANDLELIGHT ALL DECEIVED BY LIES, AND FALSE CONFIDENCE THEY SAID THEY WERE CONTENT, AND HE LAUGHED ALL THIS WHILE SHE SAT ON THE HILL CONFUSION LEAD ME THERE MY LOVE, SHE COULD NOT UNDERSTAND AND THE REST, THEY HAD NO IDEA LIFE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL CONCENTRATION FLEW WITH THE BIRDS THE FOOLS REACHED FOR IT WHILE SHE SAT ON THE HILL CONFUSION LEAD ME THERE I KNEW NOTHING WHEN I SAT BESIDE HER AND SHE KNEW THE SAME EVERY NOW AND THEN I VISIT WITH THE GIRL ON THE HILL HOW I WILL LOVE TO LIVE THERE WHEN I AM FREE WHERE FLOWERS GROW BETWEEN ROCKS CONFUSION LEAD ME THERE |
YOUR LIFE WILL AVAIL YOUR LIFE WILL AVAIL THE MACHINE CAN'T PREVAIL IT LEAKS TOO MUCH OIL ON YOUR LIFE AND ON THIS SOIL FROM THE SELF CHOSEN SLAVE TO THE ILL PAID WHY CAN'T YOU DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES |